florida

made it finally. the weather is rocking. warm and sunny, something I have not experienced for 5 years. tis awesome. The heat washes over you as soon as you step outside of the air conditioned airport. 10pm low 70s . arrived at airport had to wait 3 hours for sissy. didn't realise that she was in a diff terminal. she arrived but her luggage didn't. her flight was 2 hours late out of Montreal almost missed her 2ND flight.. but had to basically fly through the Philadelphia airport if she wanted to catch her connecting flight. She had to do an OJ Simpson Hertz thing.(..old TV commercial where he runs through the airport to catch his flight, not a quick murder and assault thing) .

went to pick up rental car, waited in line for 25 minutes.Floridians are so slow. not laid back but slllllllllllllooooooooooooooow!The car rental man behind the desk is kibitzing, chatting with two posers who had each rented convertibles. Yah, yah I am sorry that you are at the beginning of the crap shift of midnight to 6 am and you would like to be these young swinging guys who have just begun their 2 week babe searching holiday in the sun.And that you think if you talk to them long enough somehow you will magically morph into them and you won't have to ever have to eat a microwave meal for breakfast at 10pm ever again. STOP TALKING!!! I AM TIRED! WE WANT ARE CAR NOW!!!!!!!

Our turn. Okay breathe and pray. Don't get angry. Just hand over the pre paid car rental forms and get out of here. He now has to file the previous customers forms. Shuffle, pause, think. Open desk drawer. Pause, think. Shuffle. close desk drawer. think. look around. ignore us. look in desk drawer again. get pen shuffle back to counter. wait forgot something..turn around before he gets to the counter where we are standing, go back to desk. get stapler out of desk drawer..slower...he is thinking. close desk drawer shuffle up to counter. AAAAAAARGH!

I know he started his day an hour and a half ago but I started out 24 hours ago and my sister has no luggage and SPEED IT UP!! "hello" he drawls."Hello" sissy and I say together. hand over papers. He smiles. "how are you this evening?" there is something about his smile and the speed at which he talks which immediately diffuses our anger and replaces it with teenager giggles. heeheeheehee" fine thank you and yourself?"Pause....."good" Hand over drivers licenses. "which state has the pretty pink license?" "Ah that would be me., heeheehee," blush" UK license." What state is the UK in?" This is going to take longer than I thought. Way longer. "the UK across the Atlantic ocean? England? Scotland? Wales? and Northern Ireland?" Blank stare. Is that near California? pause. "yes I say, between California and Minnesota" if this will speed up the process then I will tell him anything so we can GET OUR CAR and GO HOME!! the laid back- Floridian-happy smile thing is losing its power. We are tired. and sweaty funny though as tired as we were we could not stop giggling.

We have pre-paid for a shoe-box on wheels.A teeny tiny compact. the man behind the desk took a shining to us and offered us a fancy convertible instead. "no thank you "I said" I don't want to be murdered. He then gave us a 'grown up' car. a luxury Cadillac type thing. something a 'pimp' would drive. it is huge. I am mean huge in a bigally way. Real leather not child friendly pleather crap.( see above. couldn't figure out how to move the pic down here)

arrived at hotel and had valet park for us cause we were wiped out at 2:30 am (7;30 am my time). he parked for us but charged us for self park and parked us in self park so yesterday we spent half an hour looking for where our car was parked. oh and p.s. not such a big thing the fancy car. EVERYONE seems to drive the same car in....the same color....at the same hotel.

spent the day at the pool and came back to room and got ready for my brother's arrival.okay so my brother was supposed to arrive at 5pm from L.A. their flight was delayed 5 hours but ended up sitting in the plane on the runway the whole time. By the time they finally took off the four of them were starving. apparently the airline ran out of food the row in front of them. so when they landed 5 hours late all they wanted was food. A slice of pizza ( my sister-in -law's dream food) would have to do cause they wanted their rental car and to get on their way to the hotel. so at the car rental place they were told their car had been given away. My brother had not prepaid, only reserved. they were 5 hours late...and to top that, there are no more cars available anywhere. they hopped in a cab resigned to going back to the hotel and going to bed angry and hungry.

Now for most our lives my brother and I have been playing tricks on each other. He's in the lead, I'm in the lead, he's in the lead.... Here was a golden opportunity. I felt it right, no I felt it my duty, to play a trick on him and put me back in the lead.

I had the hotel receptionist play a an joke........ When I say joke what I mean is help me to send him over the edge.

When he checked in I told her to tell him there was no reservation for him and that he could probably find a hotel down the road. It might not be possible to get the whole family into the same hotel but she(the receptionist) had the names and phone numbers of all the local hotels.

now my sister thought I was playing Russian roulette with my life but come on, I had to do this. had to! well they arrived disheveled, disheartened and weary. not happy. like "kicked off" contestants returning from the TV show Survivor.

Yep...let the show begin.
So he approaches reception gives his name and waits for the room key.

"I am sorry Sir but there doesn't seem to be a reservation under that name" my brother is calm, interesting, new ."check under this name" " I am sorry sir there doesn't appear to be a reservation under that name either" pause from brother. blank stare . he is thinking. "hm" he says. "sir there are a lot of hotels down the road that would have a room for you, possibly not the whole family in one hotel but I have the names and phone numbers of all the local hotels" she says smiling in a grating cheerleader sing song voice. big smile...

Brother pulls pre-paid reservation documents out of his pocket. plants feet squarely. looks hotel receptionist straight in the eye, hands her the prepaid papers calmly but directly and says"look again.......please" She looks again." I am sorry sir" the receptionist says firmly but politely. the woman deserves an Oscar for her performance. He's thinking or maybe he's going to his "happy place" I am not quite sure but he's balancing precariously on the edge. a gentle sneeze will send him over . I am feeling guilty now. ( my mothers' fault) so he used to play tricks on me. that was a long time ago and now he has children and I don't want them to see him lose his rag . For the sake of the kids and I don't want the receptionist to feel the wrath of everyone elses mistakes . Hm what do I do? I see my sister out of the corner of my eye. she is nervous, biting her lip. "Okay"I say" It's a joke....................... I told her to say that. you have a room........hahahahahahahaha......funny eh? hahaha...ha...ha...ha..ha..............ha."

The "glare" not unlike the "mother glare" quiet anger. get out of my face now anger before I speak or do something I regret later anger.

He was okay with it. thought it was funny, I think. he was extremely nice the rest of the evening. hmmmm. very worrying. like the calm before the storm.

Think that tomorrow, before I get in my rental car I may have someone test the breaks ...just in case.

twas the night before presents

so we have just finished wrapping Christmas presents. The same thing every year. Wait till they finally sleep and we wrap. Yahoo.com has 24 hours Christmas songs so we listen and wrap. The most difficult part is every year H leaves carrots , reindeer food(wild bird seed) milk and a handmade present for Santa. Then she writes a 2 page disseration explaining who gets what .do you like my present, how is Mrs. Claus blah blah blah and always asks that he writes back. The writing back from Santa isn't too bad , it's the handwriting. She now demands a letter from the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny too! I am having difficulty making each letter have different handwiting. Not letting it look like my writing or the other "legendary figures"
every year I say I will get a friend to write Santa's reply and every year I forget.
The kids were extremely excited today tracking Santa on Norad (NORAD is the bi-national U.S.-Canadian military organization responsible for the aerospace and maritime defense of the United States and Canada). they also track Santa. very cool.
Am tired. Looking forward to tomorrow. love watching the kids rip open their prezzies. this year we gave in a bought a W ii. Wanted to charge up the handsets tonight so we could use them tomorrow morn and almost cried looking at the instructions. These were "putting the rechargable batteries in the handset" instructions. Nothing too tough. Man am I screwed for tomorrow. D is an engineer. I will let him figure it out. too tired.

Merry Christmas and Happy hannukh. or as mom sends the kids cards that say "happy hannumas"

Recipe for Guilt

Well nothing can kick start your writing like showing up at writing class today that ended last week. AAAAARGH! It makes me laugh cause all I wanted to do was stay home and isolate but I got my butt there cause class is fun and more important. Desperate for quiet I have not been alone for 2 weeks plus, my daughter was home with a cold and I haven't had a chance to get over my jetlag. Spent 5 days staying with my dad. my mom is in Florida for the winter.


Couldn't write my blog as my father has smoke signal computer with dial up internet which is slower than a frozen slug. Trying to explain to my almost 80 year old dad that he needs a new computer was more painful than changing tv channels by hand..with out a remote! so no computer.My father has basically stopped working and he is bored. My visit with him I think was the first bit of excitement he seemed to have had in months. I was sleeping on a Murphy bed in the living room. A murphy Bed for those who don't know, gets pulled down from of the wall. That way there is a bed for guests but room in the living room during the day. Most of our conversations went like this


. "are you up? let's put the bed back in the wall"( can't be done alone too big and heavy) "dad It is 7 30 in the morning. I am up for a pee and want to go back to bed. Please daddy I am all messed up with time and didn't sleep very well. I was up at 1am for 4 hours." "yes but If I am not here when you leave the bed will be open all day" " so? it is only you and me" I say. " I can't get to my computer" he says. "And...? Turn it on now and by the time I come home we will put the bed up and then you can use it" " no. too messy" " okay dad, let's put it up" 5 minutes later.....


"when are you getting back? should we take the bed down now?" " I don't know dad" "let's take it down" " but then the room will be messy" "But I don't want to have to wait up for you..." OY is a biggally way......au but!!!


The moment I arrived back here I was launched immediately into the school xmas fair. As vice-chair of the parents association( stop laughing) I felt I had to make up for the time lost as the fair was last wednesday, so I missed class last week...the the last class.

okay so it is not so much my parents association responsibilities that made me miss class and do anything possible to help with the fair but my Jewish guilt. Guilt that I was away for the first time in 5 years and I couldn't help for the most important time in preparing for the xmas fair.So when I came back I blew off every other responsibility to make up for lost time so no one would think I am a slacker. (guilt /shame)
You can replant the Jew in an area with nary another Jew in site but the guilt roots are still there no matter where you go. "just water with shame and guilt blossoms grow" it is just the way it is. Guilt is passed down from generation to generation, usually via the mother, like a good cake recipe except instead of flour, sugar , eggs and oil......you use a "handful of shame" , "3 pinches of not calling your grandmother for 3 months", a vat of "living with a non-Jew and having children but not being married "and a lot of "spilling french fry gravy on your mother's most expensive designer purse that you weren't allowed to borrow in the first place" which is her fault really because she has fabulous taste in handbags and doesn't buy cheap so I had no choice but to use an expensive one.

So I missed my class because of my mother...really.

(NB: that all "guilt" recipes have two things in common....always.....a Jewish Mother and blame on your parents.)
nb2: hand me down Jewish recipes do not have proper measurements. When I ask my mother what a "handful" of flour means ,she says "a handful." yes I say but whose hands?" "your grandmother had huge hands. " "A handful..you'll know" it always ends with " you'll know" no I don't know that is why I like to use step by step cook books with clear instructions and pictures.. I don't know.
the upside is if my food sucks I can always blame it on my mother.

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